


Riza's First Lady List

by MoonStarDutchess



Series: Useless When Wet: Royai Comedy [4]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Comedy, F/M, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-27 21:46:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14434749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonStarDutchess/pseuds/MoonStarDutchess
Summary: A magazine asks Riza to write an article, so she writes a list of rules she's "learned"  since becoming the First Lady of Amestris.





	Riza's First Lady List

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Fullmetal Alchemist and gain no profit from this fanfiction other than writing practice.   
> AN: Original written in 2009.

Riza was sitting up in bed with a pen and notebook. Her husband was sleeping beside her with no sign that her late night contemplations disturbed him. 

She was never one to procrastinate on activities so it was surprising that she was tonight. A women’s magazine had requested for her to write an article on being first lady. Instead of asking her about it first, someone in the staff accepted and then told her about it. After a warning not to accept anything else again without talking to her first, she agreed to write it.

The problem was that she didn’t have a clue what they wanted or how to write something like this. She was an officer before she became first lady, not a journalist. But as much as it loathed her to admit it, the connection with the magazine was a good idea. It might gain more support for the current government. Not that they needed it really. A vast majority loved Roy and the government under him.

After several false starts, she tore out the sheet of paper, balled it up, and tossed it in the wastebasket across the room. She muttered and just started to write crap that came to her mind. Everything that bothered her about the job.

 

**Riza Mustang’s First Lady List**

 

_I am Missus Riza Mustang, the First Lady of Amestris. I had no expectations about taking on this job other than the fact that it would be difficult work. I figured since I was in the military for a decade that something like being a wife wouldn’t be all that difficult. I was wrong._

_It’s not being married to my husband that is so difficult; in fact, he’s quite lovely to live with. It’s the idiots that surround my husband and me that make day-to-day life rather annoying_ _. I’d say their combined IQ is less than 100._

_Since this magazine is about matters regarding a woman’s career, and my career as first lady, I thought I would list some dos and don’ts that one must follow in my position. These were not part of a list given to me. They are ones I’ve come up with using my experiences through the year and a half._

  1. _Make sure your teeth are always showing in your smile unless the event warrants a different emotion._



  1. _Always wear low cut dresses and shirts during specific events to guide photographer’s attention away from the fuehrer who could possibly be picking his nose or adjusting his package. **(a*)**_



**_(a*)_ ** _My husband doesn’t pick his nose, nor does he find public events an opportune time to adjust his man organs. The most disgusting thing he is likely to do is break wind during outdoor events and unless you want me to take my finger and plug his butt hole, it's not possible to prevent that. Besides, my finger up his butt would not only be disgusting but it would most likely be inappropriate._

  1. _Don’t speak unless spoken to, then speak as less as possible and only to questions that you may be asked. **(b*)**_



**_(b*)_ ** _So, basically, shut the fuck up and be nice little bit of eye candy aka act like Roy’s previous girlfriends. Note: This is what is expected from the sexist assholes that come to this country and some of the older members of council. I do not follow this particular rule unless I don’t want to talk to the person._

_4._ _Laugh at the appropriate times. **(c*)**_

**_(c*)_ ** _Like I did when the council members that implied this didn’t get reelected._

  1. _Don't lose your temper. The people of Amestris need to see that their first lady is graceful and has a level head. **(d*)**_



_(d*) So if someone makes me angry it wouldn't be a good idea to shove my .45 up his or her ass and shoot? I swear that I can do that in a most graceful way._

  1. _Keep your husband happy. A happy fuehrer is a good fuehrer. **(e*)**_



**_(e*)_ ** _So I should screw him often? Even on the office desk? Humm... I'm not opposed to more desk sex._

  1. _Act feminine, you are a role model for all women. Show them that a woman should know her place behind her man. Was actually said several times by ex council members. **(f*)**_



**_(f*)_ ** _Those sexist assholes. Obviously, they came up with this shit. If you were here right now I would (censored for magazine) Cut off your (edited for language) and shove it down your (Censored) and then show you how we feel when we have the kind heart to blow your (restricted word) you stupid (horse fucker)._

  1. _The president is the head of the country and of the household._ _Remember that the man is the leader of the house. **(g*)**_



**_(g*)_ ** _O-o? *see rule number 4.* I don’t want to wake up my husband._

 

Riza read over her list, chuckled, wadded up the paper, and threw it to the floor. She’d pick it up and then write a real article in the morning. Though she had to admit, the venting in that fake list felt good.

She put her pen and notebook down on her bedside table, turned off the lamp, and scooted further under the covers. She’d just begun to doze off when Roy wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck.

“Finally going to sleep?” he asked, his voice muffled. His hands slipped under her top to gently stroke her stomach. She pushed back against his body and groaned as he kissed her shoulder.

Might as well go by number six a bit. After all, he wasn’t the only one that enjoyed it. She turned, pushed him on his back, straddled his waist, and bent to kiss him.

 

-/-/-

 

Roy didn’t want to get out of bed. His grip around her waist tightened, he pulled her back down onto the bed and cuddled her as if she were a giant teddy bear. She would love nothing more than to stay in this position and sleep until noon, but duty awaited them.

“Roy, get up,” she said. “We have a meeting with a dignitary and his wife for breakfast. You know how important this meeting is.” She pulled away and he let her go. She gathered up some clothing and went into the bathroom to take a shower. She’d let him doze until she finished.

Roy muttered as he sat up on her side of the bed. After a few yawns and stretches, his gaze fell upon a wadded up piece of paper on the floor. She’d been having a lot of trouble with the article the magazine asked her to write and it was probably a rough draft.

“Wouldn’t hurt to look. Maybe I can help.” He picked up the paper, straightened it out, and began to read.

As he read, he started to laugh. His wife had such a great, although hostile sense of humor. He’d never ever expect her to do any of these things and wondered if she was really told this. If so, he’d have to deal with that.

 He looked up when he saw Riza, wrapped in a towel, looking at him with wide eyes.

“I like your comments on number six. Sex on my desk more often sounds fun.”

Riza blushed a deeper red and went back into the bathroom. She stopped at the door. She bit her lip then turned to look at him. “Want to practice in the shower first?”

Roy tossed the list in the trash and followed her.


End file.
